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I walked into his office, a defeated salesman on the verge of quitting. Two hours later, I joined his mentorship program and signed a loan commitment for $12,500.
Nobody had ever made me feel like I was a man of such importance and stature. I strutted out the door, feeling like I owned the world.

我,一個幾乎要辭職了的失敗推銷員,走進他的辦公室,兩個小時后,我加入了他的導師計劃,并簽署了12500美元的貸款承諾。
從來沒有人讓我覺得自己是一個如此重要和有地位的人,我昂首闊步地走出門外,感覺自己擁有了整個世界。

But it didn’t start out that way.
I had stepped into his office hesitantly, intimidated by his display of success. The walls sported pictures of his skiing exploits from all over the world. His desk featured the requisite man with Mercedes photo. All of the trinkets on display looked like museum pieces.

但一開始并不是這樣的。
我遲疑地走進他的辦公室,被他成功的表現嚇到了,墻上掛著他在世界各地滑雪的照片,墻上掛滿了他在世界各地滑雪時的照片,他的辦公桌上有一張必不可少的男人和奔馳車的照片,所有陳列的小飾品看起來都像是博物館里的珍品。



He took out a fresh notepad and pen and sat across from me. We exchanged brief introductions, and then he opened with, “Tell me about your struggles.”
He scribbled notes furiously as I spoke. When I stopped, he shot back with, “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more?”

他拿出一個筆記本和一支筆,坐在我對面,我們簡單地互相介紹了一下,然后他開始說: “ 告訴我,因何而掙扎?!?br /> 我說話的時候,他瘋狂地寫著筆記。
當我停下來的時候,他回頭道:“ 有意思,你能告訴我更多嗎? ”

He’d throw in other questions (what he’d call reversals), not to frx the conversation but to keep me talking. The one or two times he wanted to change the direction of the discussion, he’d first ask permission.

他會拋出其他的問題 ( 他稱之為反向問題 ) ,不是為了框定談話,而是為了讓我繼續說下去,有那么一兩次他想要改變討論的方向,但他會先征得同意。

By the time we had finished, he had filled up four pages of handwritten notes. He summarized his conclusions on a giant whiteboard. He labeled it “Barry’s Action Plan To Hit $250K.” I told him my goal was 100K, but he responded, “After hearing your story, you’re capable of so much more.”

我們談完的時候,他已經寫了四頁手寫的筆記,他在一塊巨大的白板上總結了他的結論。
他把它命名為“ 巴里的25萬美元行動計劃” 我告訴他我的目標是10萬,但他回答說: “聽了你的故事后,我覺得你能做的更多?!?br />
And then he sold me on his mentorship program by pointing out what he had written on his whiteboard.

然后他向我推銷他的導師計劃,指出他在白板上寫的東西。

Fourteen years later, I consider it the smartest investment of my life. It was an insane amount of money for me. And I’m still amazed at how he sold me. He had barely said a word, but I had never felt so important, so revered by someone outside my family.

14年后,我認為這是我一生中最明智的投資。
當時那對我來說是一大筆錢,時至今日我仍然對他是如何向我推銷的感到驚訝,他幾乎一言不發,但我從未感到自己如此重要,如此受到家人以外的人的尊敬。

How to make someone feel extraordinary

如何讓一個人覺得自己與眾不同

A few weeks after my mentorship began, he broke down his three-step approach to relationship building.

在我開始輔導的幾周后,他打破了建立關系的三個步驟。



I saw all this and concluded; he’s treating me like I’m a dignitary.
But your actions alone, only make up half the demonstration equation.

我看到了這一切,并得出了結論:他把我當成了一位重要人物。
但是,僅僅是你的行動,只占示范方程式的一半。

You also show interest through your body language. Slumped shoulders and lethargic movement signals disinterest. Sharp movements, good posture, and smiles show sincere desire and anticipation about what they have to say.

你也可以通過你的肢體語言表現出興趣。
耷拉的肩膀和無精打采的動作表明人們對此不感興趣,敏銳的動作,良好的姿勢和微笑表現出真誠的愿望和對他們要說的話的期待。

Imagine meeting a friend for coffee. She greets you with a frown. She checks her phone every time you speak and breaks eye-contact to stare at the table next to you. But she tells you she’s super interested in what you have to say. Hard to believe, right?

想象一下和朋友喝咖啡的情景。
她皺著眉向你打招呼,每次你說話的時候,她都在玩她的手機,不再與你有眼神交流,而是盯著你旁邊的桌子,但是她卻告訴你,她對你要說的話非常感興趣,難以置信,對吧?

If you want someone to know you’re interested in them, don’t say it. Let them conclude it from the actions you take and the body language you exhibit.

如果你想讓別人知道你對他們感興趣,不要說出來,讓他們從你的行動和你的肢體語言中得出結論。

Use reversals to keep them talking about themselves.

[ 使用反轉來讓他們談論自己 ]



How so? I didn’t see that coming.
Really? Tell me more… If you’re comfortable.
Curious, how did that make you feel?
That’s interesting, and then what?
Why is that? If you don’t mind me asking.
And? Don’t stop now. I need to hear the rest.
That makes sense. What else?
Notice how there’s a transition statement before or after each question.

為什么? 我沒想到會這樣。
真的嗎? 如果你覺得舒服的話,再告訴我一些。
我很好奇,這讓你感覺如何?
這很有趣,然后呢?
為什么? 如果你不介意我問的話
然后呢? 別停下來我要聽完剩下的。
有道理,還有呢?
注意每個問題前后都有一個轉換語句。

When you shoot back with just a question, it comes across as harsh, even with the right tonality. The transition statement buffers the question and makes the conversation feel natural.
If you need to move the conversation in a new direction, always ask permission and give the other person the freedom to decline.

當你僅僅用一個問題回復時,即使音調正確,聽起來也會很刺耳。
轉換語句可以緩沖提問,使對話感覺自然。
如果你需要把談話推向一個新的方向,總是要征得對方的同意,給對方拒絕的自由。

Show someone they’re capable of more than they believe.

[ 向別人展示他們比自己想象的更有能力 ]

I was once part of a clique where one of our friends always took it upon herself to raise the spirits of everyone she met. She’d profess her confidence in their abilities and praise them for their excellence. The problem was, she often had no basis for making these assertions.
Her intentions were kind, but the praise was disingenuous. My mentor had made it feel sincere because he did his homework first.

我曾經是一個小圈子里的一員,我們的一個朋友總是主動去鼓舞她遇到的每一個人,她會對他們的能力表示信任,并贊揚他們的優秀,問題是,她經常沒有根據的做出這些斷言。
她的意圖是善良的,但是贊揚是虛偽的。
我的導師讓我感覺很真誠,因為他先做了功課。

He learned about me, summarized his findings, pointed out my strengths, and explained how he would help me hone them. Only then did he tell me I was capable of more than I believed.
“You should quadruple your income goal, perhaps more.” The proof was there. I had to believe it.

他了解我,總結他的發現,指出我的優勢,并解釋他將如何幫助我磨練它們,此時他才告訴我,我的能力超出了我的想象。
“你的收入目標應該是現在的四倍,或許更多?!弊C據就在那里,我不得不相信。



Your actions, not words, demonstrate a desire to learn about someone.
Whenever possible, use reversals to gather information and keep the conversation focused on them.
Use that knowledge to point out the greatness they never knew they possessed.

· 你的行動,而不是語言,顯示了你想要了解某人的愿望。
· 只要有可能,就使用反轉來收集信息,并保持談話集中在這些信息上。
· 用這些信息來指出他們從來不知道自己擁有的巨大(潛力)。